2008 Dirty Little Resolutions

All right, all right. So everybody's been blogging about 2008 and petite moi still hasn't written anything. And because I'm beginning to loathe being self indulgent and totally pointless in this blog, as well as my other forms of communication (you should see me stammer when I talk to my boss tomorrow, when I tell her that the project she wants me to do is Mission Impossible), I'll be doing the prosaic during New Years, with a twist.

Introducing, Sally Magdiwang's Dirty Little Resolutions:
1. Bitch about bitches, especially when they deserve it. (When I die, my number of days in hell listening to these bitches = 150,000, Jupiter Days.)
2. Lie about weight by at least a third less. (Days in hell = 100 for every gram)
3. Lie about age. I will always be 29 until the day I die. (Days in hell = 10 for every year. That means to lessen that I need to die young. Venial sin, but a sin nonetheless.)
4. Never ever give food to charity. Instead, ram it all down my throat to keep fatty goodness to myself. Of course after doing so, I would need to do more of Resolution Number 2.
5. Find the bad in people. Because the glass is half empty.
6. Take advantage of people's kindness. Like someone said, what are friends for but to use and abuse! (Number of days in Hell = 1, but spent in a cauldron of boiling oil made from my own fat)
7. Sod all meaningful relationships, have casual sex. Whenever possible. With whomever possible.
8. Spend obscene amount of money on gadgets, clothes, bags, accessories, fashionable, fun shallow, shortlived things. Life is too short to wait on insurance policies or heavenly riches.
9. Take up a lifethreatening vice like chainsmoking, drinking, gambling. Unfortunately, need a higher paying job to sustain vices, of course. On the downside, must be sober enough to keep job. Hmm... tough one.
10. Lastly, run for the Presidency. Winning The Seat of the land is hundred times better than milking construction contracts for small time baranggays.

There.

One more thing you must know though -- like most people who make resolutions, I never keep them.

Happy New Year!